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Bill Maher
Biography Born to parents Pierre and Ann Marie in the Avignon region of France, Jacques "Bill" Maher's family moved to New York in 1937 in order to leech off of FDR's New Deal program. Bill's family were early role models for illegal immigrants and welfare queens everywhere. With his father being French, Bill grew up lacking any sort of male role model. As Bill's parents were never married, they lacked the proper parenting skills given by God to all those entering into this sacred institution. Rejecting a proper religious education, Bill's mind was instead warped by the many liberal educators infesting our public schools. Young Maher quickly fell in with the wrong crowd. Influenced by his new friends the New York Intellectuals, Bill began reading books, thinking independently, questioning authority and engaging in other self-destructive and un-American activities. In the early 70's Maher attended Cornell University where he studied pot smoking under Jerry Garcia. It is unknown whether Maher became a full-fledged hippie at this time or merely a hippie-sympathizer, but he did join the campus chapter of the Blame America First Crowd and later became vice-president. After graduation, Bill became a stand-up comedian despite not being funny. To pay bills and buy pot, Maher worked part time as a fluffer for Playboy under his good friend and mentor Hugh Hefner. In 1993, with Bill Clinton as president, Maher was allowed his own TV show. Called Politically Incorrect because Maher continually espoused incorrect political views on the show, the show allowed him to join his brethren in Hollywood and finally gave him the platform he needed to destroy America and aid terrorism Each show featured four guest panelists who discuss topics that would make the Baby Jesus cry. A typical panel would consist of one Hollywood Liberal, one Fact hugger, one Femi-nazi and one brave true American. A typical show would feature the true American being drowned by liberal lies and propaganda, and sadly would usually end with Maher and the three Blame America Firsters beating the hero to death and devouring his carcass. The Bill Maher/Politically Incorrect Agenda The show's primary mission was the legalization of pot. Maher performed every night while high, munching on a bag of Cheetos. Bill also spoke out against Christianity and the Republican Party, and is in favor of baby killing, prostitution, gambling, and the events of 9/11. In fact, even though he proclaims not to believe anything President Bush or his administration says about anything, ever, Bill believes they are telling the truth about 9/11. Bill becomes very upset at anyone who disagrees with him on this, and has hired Blackwater security to throw dissenters out of his audience. Crimes Against America * Smoking Marijuana * Not supporting our troops * Treason for speaking against our President * Slapping the face of Our Lord and Savior Facts About Bill * The real voice of social change * Marijuana Addict * Wears skinny ties * Supports Gay marriage, Hugo Chavez and Saddam Hussein * Supports killing babies * Papa Bear and Rush Limbaugh urge listeners to stone him to death * Current spokesperson for NAMBLA *Thinks with his head, not with his gut (except for vaccines and medicine, where he does). *Even Jesus hates Bill Maher for disrepecting his church and his president * Bill Maher has Osama Bin Laden on speed dial * claims Americans have sacrificed nearly every one of their 10 Commandment Rights as defined in America's Biblical Page